This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
