I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
