my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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