Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
