Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
