Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
