good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
