It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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