So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
