community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
