This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
