i permit you to call me
just tell him i said nine months
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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