if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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