There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
