3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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