He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
