i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
