I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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