You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
