i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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