I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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