the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
