What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
