ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
