Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
