just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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