I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
