Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
