Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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