Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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