theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
