She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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