We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
