We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
