first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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