Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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