Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
