I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
