U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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