you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
