Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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