I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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