the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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