Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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