But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
