Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
