shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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