So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
