dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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