nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
