Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
