You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
